What To Do If You Are Stuck In The Roommate Stage Of Marriage

It is frustrating and somewhat worrying to be stuck in the roommate stage of your marriage, wondering will the spark ever come back? 

Here are some thoughts on bringing the spark back without the awkwardness of forcing physical intimacy when it’s not feeling right at the moment. 

What Can You Do to Bring The Spark Back? 

Laughter is so important in your relationship. Sharing funny stories from the day, reminiscing on something funny from the past lightens the vibe of your marriage. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you need to just talk about kids and home maintenance.  Find a way to bring the playfulness into your marriage, do a fun activity together or play a game. The spark can be reignited by doing things like you used to do before life became busy and full of responsibilities.

How can you reignite the passion for each other after a ‘dry spell?’

​Keep it low pressure, the more pressure you add to the situation the more awkwardness. Start slowly, start wearing some sexier pajamas, flirting,  and building up the excitement between you again. It’s really going to feel strange to suddenly want to be passionate when you are in the roommate stage so you want to edge slowly out of that and bring in the sexyness. If there has been a long dry spell it’s worth reflecting on what has been going on to create this. Have you been making your marriage a priority, or is this the last thing on the list at the moment. 

How can couples acknowledge they haven’t been connecting lately? ​

Honest reflection is so important in any healthy relationship. If you haven’t been connecting lately, having an open conversation about what has been going on can get the ball rolling in the reconnection process. When you have this conversation remember to do it without blame or judgement coming from a place of listening and curiosity about how the other person is feeling and what you can do to address it, you are on the same team.

 How can they prioritize each other instead of falling into the familiar pattern of being busy with work, kids, etc.?

​Learning to prioritize your marriage sounds easy enough but modern life is busy. We have a million things to do and balls to keep in the air, especially when you have a busy career and kids, however when you marriage fails it will impact all of these areas so making it a priority will in the long run cause you less time and stress and actually give you an overall better quality of life. Put your spouse first, check in with them midday, share the ins and outs of your day to day with them, make date night a priority. Just like a plant, you need to water and tend to your marriage in order for it to thrive.